Ellie May, is that you??

Halloween 2005

...rawr...

Lynnae and Shannon

Some random night at Dock St.

Me, Valerie, Suzie and Stacie

Candice's Party

Okay, I don't know how to edit pics, but this is me with Randy.

Candice's party - April 2005

Candice, Megan, Lynnae and Susanna

Megan's Birthday Party at The Swiss

Me, getting ready for Candice's party.

I know... boring. But my computer is choosing what it wants to upload.

I'm trying to upload any pics that I can. This is what is showing up so far... me on "Super Fun Hat Night" at Dock St. This was Candice's birthday in April 2005.

Well.... it's a start

I finally got a picture up! Okay, it's of my chest, but whatever!

My friend Valerie's birthday party was Saturday at Dock St. It was also dubbed "Super Fun T-shirt Night". Mine wasn't as fun as the rest, but again... whatever!

Yeah, we're FUN!

F*ck off

That's how I'm feeling today.

Sigh...

You and Me

"What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

~Lifehouse

Really?? Are you kidding me?!?

Oh, Ken.....

The holidays are fast approaching and this is the first year I've had to deal with "co-parenting". Ugh.

Ken and I started talking today and he says to me, "I want Cole on Christmas Eve." Yep, that demanding. I proceed to tell him that "CE" is when my family celebrates the bulk of the festivities and that Chrismas Day isn't as big - we all sort of disperse elsewhere. "What, so you get him when you want and I get the leftovers?", he says. Leftovers....... interesting.

He goes on to complain that "everything is always on my schedule and what if he wants to have him for the week?" I've never said he couldn't and he's never asked. Then he mentions he's only had him once for Christmas, and that was probably for Christmas Day also. Ummm..... Well...... Let me see....... considering we didn't know where he was last year at Christmas, that I talked to him on December 21st and never heard another word from him??? That it wasn't until 4 months later that he finally called!! Aarrrgghh!!!! Seriously, are you kidding me with this??

So now that he's all high and mighty, "cleaned himself up", and has a new-found "family" he wants to call the shots on where Cole spends the holidays?? Um, No. He lives with me 98% of the time and his family is here. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Ken finally pulled his head out of his ass to be a dad, but you don't get to call the shots when you just came back into his life 6 months ago.

He's a walking oxymoron. Literally. He tells me that I "owe him" for some extra weekends that he watched Cole in June..... WHAT?!? Did that really come out of his mouth?? I owe him?!? Riiiiiight, because the past 2 1/2 years that my parents took Cole EVERY single weekend doesn't count. Or the 3 years that I raised him by myself. Right, right....... seems fair.

We agreed to disagree about Christmas and that Cole will be with me C.Eve and Ken on C.Day.

I'm trying to be fair about the whole thing, I really am. I always have, "in the best interest of the child" in the front of my mind. Even when he called and said his plane was delayed and couldn't pick up Cole until Saturday, it wasn't a big deal - I could've been a lot nastier. Ken is a fairly decent person but everything has to be about him. "Why am I not getting what I want?", he asked me today. Ohhh.... Gawd.....

And after the "mis-hap" of him not showing up or calling two weekends ago, he wants to throw his weight around. Heh. Oh, Ken.....

Come on!

What's with you guys?? You are not blogging like I've instructed! Hello??

It's easy, it really is. Even if it's just a few sentences - that's okay. At least I have something uplifting to read. You all make me smile. To know that we have so much history between us is, well, warm and fuzzy. :)

This is going to be one RANDOM blog, I'll tell you that right now. No rhyme or reason to it, just me rambling on and on.... Where to start?.....

Cami - How in the heck do you NOT find Keith Urban hot? Like Jen said, the Austrailian alone for one and the shaggy/rock star hair with the arm cuff?? Yowza! Okay, so he sings country. Yeah, that's a minus. But Yum!

And Jen - The "being Aussie or drinking alcohol" comment was frickin' helarious!! Leave it to you... typical Jen fashion. I love ya for that, girlie. Happy Anniversary, btw, how was it? And how did Danny see pics of you and the girls?? I wanna see!!!!

And is it just me, or is anyone else SO FREAKING SICK of the Shane Co./ E.E. Robbins/Jared Jewelers radio commercials?!? Oh my gawd, I'm about to go postal if I hear one more commercial about engagement rings. Gag me.

Thanks, I needed to vent. In other news, my week has been fairly easygoing. I did get to have coffee with my "friend" on Wednesday, which was short but great. :) Cole has had a "green card" every day at pre-school this week!! Yay! (they get a rating of red, yellow or green - depending on how their day went) He seems less bossy and confrontational over the past week and a half. I say it's because he hasn't seen his dad, but that's just my opinion. He's a great kid, he really is. Very sensitive and emotional (gee, I wonder where he gets that from??). He'll be playing - trucks, of course - and just say, "Mommy, I yuv you". Him not being able to say his "L's" is still one of the cutest dang things!

What else?....... Oh, I'm looking into changing jobs. I *heart* Tully's, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel "useful". (I make a damn fine cup of joe, so don't even start with me!) Maybe it's too much Oprah last season, maybe it's all of the Tsunamis and Hurricanes, but I just feel like I'm here for a higher purpose. I need to find my "calling". Even if it is to read to children or possibly teach kids English in a third world country. Who knows, it could happen. My friends Ros and Cassie (lesbian couple) are going thru foster care/adoption classes and that really sparked an interest too. Anything having to do with children's causes. So please keep your eyes and ears open for me. Much appreciated.

Money has never been a motivator for me. I didn't grow up with money, it's just not me. As long as my bills are paid and I have a little left over, I'm OK. Yeah, I like nice things and enjoy the occasional trip to the mall (usually Old Navy) I'm not a fashion monger by any means. That's why I haven't went to work with my friends at DaVita. They all work with computers and make pretty decent money, but are bored out of their skulls or stressed out. No thanks. Money can't solve everything. To quote the Beatles, "I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love". (PS: do any of you remember that was also an 80's movie with Patrick Dempsey?? The now HOT doctor from Gray's Anatomy) Little bit of trivia.

Love you - but KEEP WRITING!!

Stupid (but hot!) Keith Urban

Take your records, take your freedom

Take your memories, I don't need 'em

Take your space and take your reasons

But you'll think of me

Take your cat and leave my sweater

'Cause we have nothing left to weather

In fact I'll feel a whole lot better

But you'll think of me

You'll think of me...

Stupid country songs, anyway

What next??

Do you ever get the feeling that the Gods are plotting against you? That your good heart and strong will just doesn't do it anymore? When you're screaming, "bring it on!" but crumbling to your knees at the same time.

Argh.

I don't know which disaster to begin with, so I'll just ramble (as I do best).

My parents and Aunt & Uncle (Dad's brother) drove down to Portland to see their cousins wife one last time. She was diagnosed with cancer and was given a short ammount of time to live. My mom said she expected her appearance, but that everyone else was surprised at her demise. "But she was awake", my mom said, sincerely.

"But she was awake..." It haunts me.

My ex-husband blew his whole weekend with his son. I understand that sircumstances come up. It happens to all of us. But when you can't even make a 2 minute phone call to explain!?! Grrrrr... And this leaves me aswering my son's repetitive question, "Mama, when daddy gonna be hewe" (he can't say his "R's" or "L's" yet, so I'm trying to give you the full affect). So not only did he NOT call, when I call and leave him a well-deserved snippy voicemail, he calls back and tells me to, "Calm down... why do you have to sound all snappy?" WHAT?!? Once again, the alcoholic in him turns it on me. It's never his fault. Right...

And after reading a blog of Dan's, I went to check out the comments. Jen had written that she was proud of the work he was doing for AIDS awareness, since her brother died of AIDS 3 years ago. Again, What?? Jen, I knew your brother. I knew him. He taught us cheer dances and routines. I knew him. He was so young and such a vibrant spirit. I'm so sorry... I didn't know.

In my own life, my mom was told she has Diabetes. Diabetes. Okay, not a huge shocker, it runs in our family, but my mom?? As for me, I'm more confused than ever. I've met the most amazing, wonderful guy who I'm really falling for... but he's still in love with someone else. Ugh.

Life. Is it really all relative? Do we choose our destiny? Or are we just in the right place at the right time? I've always believed that "Everything Happens for a Reason"....... But sometimes - no, wait - ALL the time I find myself asking: W T F ??

Cami mentioned the Thelma and Louise similarity. How many times can I feel that in a day? "Let's just keep on going..."

Clearing

Oh dreary day...

It's one of those grey, pouring-down-rain kind of days in Washington. The kind we're used to. The kind where, if I had a laptop (silently cursing Dan and Todd), I'd be under covers in my bed typing this instead. The kind that make you want to snuggle on the couch with a special someone and watch a movie.

Ohhh, I love and hate these kind of days.

And these dreary days make me do a bit of thinking.

I've realized how far I've come in the past three years.

I've raised a handsome little boy who is polite, sensitive, courteous and fairly well-rounded. Don't get me wrong, he LOVES his trucks - "big rigs", especially. But he also loves books, painting, gardening, animals and music. He, on more occasions than I care to count, has kept me going, making me realize that giving up is the easy way out.

I've become a much clearer version of myself. I'm much happier now than I ever was. I like who I am as a person, I don't dread looking in the mirror and I'm content with my body. Yeah, I'm not Jennifer Aniston - I don't care anymore. I realize I'm human and I have flaws.

I have a house, a car, a job and the most amazing group of friends anyone could ask for! And my family?..... Don't even get me started. They've been my ROCK thru the smartest decision I never even had to make for myself. Between my parents helping out with Cole every weekend and Sean and Chantale giving me the Golf..... I'm forever indebted.

Divorce was always the last thing I thought would happen to me, but thank God it did. I have a clearer perspective of what I want now. I'm not going to settle. There are really good people out there. My patience gets the best of me sometimes, but I'm older, wiser and willing to wait. As Ben said, "It can't rain forever ". I hope you're right, I hope to God you're right.

Random geeky blog stuff

Alright.... Dan has figured out the picture and link thing (bravo, btw), I have figured out the link thing as well and Cami... well, Cami has figured out how to whine and amuse us with her all-knowing Asian culture ramblings. (I secretly *love* it). I'm writing just to fill you in on what I have learned.

First, to add links to your friends pages - this is the easiest way I have found: I went to Cami's page and in the sidebar, it lists "Links", followed by "Google News" and then "edit me". I clicked on "edit me" and it brought me to a page that explained how to add your friends links or any other website you want to list. You just have to follow the code/instructions. I just copied and pasted it into my sidebar and violla! Links to Dan, Cami and Todd. Yay me! (This is *huge* for me, really.... do you all understand how tech. challenged I am??)

Please add your friends as a link - that way we can keep in touch easier.

Second, to add links to a website when you're writing a blog, I just did the "www." in front of the site and it did it for me. (Okay, so this one was a no-brainer, but still....)

I also learned that to upload a photo onto my main page I need a URL site?? WTF? My friend Gail graciously explained to me that it must be something like "photobucket". Okay.... well, I have my pics on a disc and this does not help me. Ugh. I even tried to upload a pic on my last blog, following Dan's directions and... nada. I could hear my computer running (yeah, sad I know) and it all seemed to go okay until I viewed my blog with no photo in sight. Ah well.... It's always a fun learning experience.

This is me

Well, for those of you that don't know... I'm technically challenged. *tear* Yes, yes it's true. Okay, so I couldn't figure out how to upload a pic for my main page, but I DID figure this out. (yay me!) For those of you who continue to blog with me - Dan and Cami - kudos to you. For all others.... psshhh, don't make me go there! Hugs

Pictures

Okay, so I don't have the computer hacking skills to post photos, but my friend Todd has some from Halloween on his blog. He's a link on the left, "Todd's journey". And did I mention you can go to the Myspace page and see more recent pics - for those of you I haven't seen in a while. Enjoy!

Good friends, good times

This has been a fairly good week. I'm loving this blogging thing, even got Mr. New York City - Dan himself - on here. Woo Hoo! Where the fuck are the rest of you?? Cami? Ben? Julie? Come on, join the ranting and raving of your fellow Decatur-ites. It's theraputic, really.

Went to a comic book Halloween party with my friend, Todd. Talk about interesting! I was breifly schooled on the realm of the comic book/RPG/sci-fi world. What a great group of people and highly intelligent I might add. (what the hell was I doing there??) I went as a cowgirl and my 6'4" date was dashingly handsome. If I can figure out how to upload pics.... um, on second thought, look who you're talking to. You'll have to take my word for it, we were CUTE!

I just want to say thanks to all of you for your comments and such. I LOVE hearing from you, even if it is just a little blurb. I'm still trying to figure out how we subscribe to each others blogs and if there is a notification message, etc. If you have the answer - let me know! Like I said, I'm the least computer savvy girl you'll meet.

Your can also check me out at: www.Myspace.com/lynnaecat and e-mail me at: Lynnaeleo@aol.com. Myspace is a free site also, I've met a ton of great friends and locals that way. Plus I have PHOTOS there - check them out!! Love ya!