I am NOT the lucky type, it just doesn't happen. And go figure, just over the weekend, Cole and I were sitting in the same spot and he found one! Just like that!! I told him how, "ever since I was a little girl, I've searched and searched and SEARCHED for a four leaf clover and have never found one. Never."
So here we are - TWO four leaf clovers in a 2-3 day span. I hope it's a sign. A very, very good one! It may be a little TMI to share ("too much information" for those who are 'abbreviated challenged' as I once was. Ha ha!). But that's part of the reason I started this blog, was to share my feelings as well as photos and experiences.
Aaaaaanyway.... as I was saying. As I've gotten older, I've really noticed my hormones change. My mood swings, etc. For my girlie friends out there, I know most of you can relate. The week to 2 weeks prior can be just hellish for me. And leading up to 'it', usually 2 or 3 days prior are becoming almost unbearable. It's grating. It's gritting my teeth. It's angry.
I've told Shawn (and some of my girls) that it's like a rabid dog inside my skin, just gnarling and growling and clawing to get out. If the kids are around I end up yelling at them and nothing they do seems right. Nothing ANYONE does seems right or perfect enough. I have really angry dreams - screaming and yelling at random people who have pissed me off in the dream, because it's not in my nature to yell at people in real life.
I feel utterly crazy, insane for about 3 days. At least I can recognize that it's not 'real' and it WILL pass, but being IN it.... is complete madness. I'm writing just on the cusp of it all. I can feel it starting and I try to take my vitamins - B50 and St Johns Wort usually help.
So I'm trying to feel Lucky. I know I am - health, home, family..... but when your brain chemistry brings up every insecurity, failure and unworthiness.... well, that's a deep pit to dig out of.
The sun is shining. And THAT itself is a good sign. Maybe I need some vitamin D too?