"Last Christmas"

I always forget how much I LOVE that song from Wham! Totally 80's and soooo Jr. High for me. Ahhh.... memories. :)


Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!)I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face of a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

I adore the Christmas season, I'm the first to admit it. I love everything about it, the crowds, the hustle, the bustle - everything! Except when I'm poor, then it's just a downer all the way around.

This week has been surprisingly great! Compared to last weekend, I'm making strides.

I'm single - again - this Christmas.

Things came to a huge she-bang with my emotions and T. I was trying to be realistic about the whole thing, but was kidding myself at the same time. The Devil and Angel on my shoulders were dueling it out pretty harshly and I was oblivious. At least I thought so. I was in denial. But when you get such mixed messages from someone, it's hard not to. As a female, I'm wired emotionally. And in my case..... "super emotional" just scrapes the surface. He is shut down in that mind-set right now, but still gave me more than I've ever had. Ever. Which was confusing to me. I knew the rights and wrongs of it all, but you can't change what your heart feels. Ugh.

I read early on about the "ferryboat". It's the person that takes the widowed from their old life to their new life. A stepping stone, if you will. It was painful to read about. I wanted to believe I was more than that. But I am now the giver of the "Widda Scouts Premature Relationship Merit Badge". We'll always be friends. I know that for a fact.

"Everything happens for a reason....." Am I not always saying that?? :)

In happier news, Cole and I have been enjoying the holidays together! Watching all of those GREAT Christmas cartoons from when I was a kid. You know..... Frosty, Rudolph, Charlie Brown and The Grinch. He laughs so hard at the Grinch, it gets me giggling right along with him.

I've been able to see close friends lately and started to realize how much I miss that. We're all starting to have kids/families now and don't get together like we used to. (I'm sure everyone's neighbors appreciate it, though!) These are the people who knew me with Ken and after Ken. Kate, Traci and I baked cookies this afternoon and it was lovely to have the girl talk again. I love them. They've been there for everything. And Kate and I keep each other going with our struggles. Her with her desire for a child and me with my "man-erisms". We both know what it's like to want something....

I'm tired and losing steam, but wanted to let y'all know I'm still here and fiesty as ever!!

Let the lion ROAR!

And Jen........... when are we gonna get that God D@mn cup of coffee?? Sheesh!