Almost here....

Yep, Christmas is almost here....

And you know what? I'm starting to feel it hit me.

The lonliness, the alone, the discarding.

I *was* fine, I really was. Ok, so I was hating every other customer that came in. And the couples......... don't even get me started. "Bite me", is what I wanted to say when they walked in. Grrrrr.....

My life changed drastically 3 years ago, right before Christmas. We went from this great, close-knit family with a new little one. All the hope in the world right in front of us.

And he took it and chucked it in the f***ing trash can. *I* didn't want this. *I* didn't choose this. *I* married for life and he just bailed. Just like that.

So now I take my pieces and try to rebuild.

This time of year is just as bad as Valentine's Day. Only you get to see more family who always have to ask, "How are you? Are you seeing anyone?".

But I didn't choose this.

It's been three years and it still isn't healed. I wonder if it ever will be.

I hear people say that "divorce is a choice". Oh really??? It sure wasn't *MY* choice. I *liked* being married. I *liked* being married to my best friend. I *liked* being a family. So who's choice is this really?? Cause I sure didn't sign up for this one.

Maybe they're talking about the ones that don't try. Yep, did that also. Went to counseling for five straight weeks, sitting accross from a man I thought I knew, with his arms crossed. Don't think that I didn't try, because God damnit, I gave 110% and then some.

I think we need to change the stigma on divorce. Especially for those who didn't choose it in the first place.

I not only lost my husband, but I lost my sense of self, my ability to trust and my best friend.

But it was a choice.

Right.